Going to mass before was not really my habit. I was not used to exposing myself especially in this bone-rattling evening. But I have heard that the six o’clock Mass is exciting because it is celebrated by energetic, expressive, and charismatic priest, fully charged with sense of humor. The priest is Father Ton. But nothing more excites me until I learned that the Mass is truly intended for teenagers like me. Unknown to everybody, I just wanted to hear the priest’s jokes and especially, I wanted to see and meet pretty ladies and nothing more. I have never ever expected that Sunday will be a memorable day for me… a memorable day of love, pain and faith. One Sunday night, I was late for the six o’clock Mass. Inside the Church, the people were crowded together and all seats were occupied by church goers. I pushed through and insisted to look for some vacant seats but to no avail. I never found vacant chairs. I ended up standing beside the church’s window. It was raining heavily outside. Standing beside an open window is like standing in front of an air conditioner. Raindrops splashed on my face and drifted on my blue shirt. I felt the coldness creeping up and down my body. I was about to give up when someone called me.
“Mister”, called out by a gentle voice from behind. “I can see you’re wet. You can share the seat with me if you want to?”
“Praise the Lord! Alleluia!” Of course, I told myself. I don’t want to be the source of nuisance. I politely approached the lady who was offering her seat.
“Thank you”, I bashfully said as I sat beside her. She smiled and softly spoke, “Just pray you’ll not catch cold.”
I felt comfortable on my new cradle. I noticed that once in a while, the lady was glancing at me. I did catch her up. She saw that I was gazing at her too. She winced and immediately looked at the other direction.
The lady was not bad herself. In fact, she is beautiful. She got a pair of wondrously fine arched brows. She has these magnificent, mystical and soul-stirring brown eyes. Her nose having cute, fine curve, line glided down her red and elegant lips. Her white complexion manifested her fine reddish cheeks. Her simplicity had greatly showed all these. But what was really alluring about her was her smile. I noticed that she sings in great vivacity only to learn later on that I was sitting beside a member of the church choir.
“Let us give each other the sign of peace”, the priest invited.
I was thinking of knowing her and that moment was timely event for me to know her. I turned towards her and said;
“Peace be with you Miss…”, I intended to cut the word and expected her response.
“Andrea, Andrea Valdez”, she replied.
“What a gorgeous name!” I said giving of my sexiest smile. “I’m Ron Villegas down Calvin Drive.”
There was still a heavy downpour outside when the mass had ended. The streets were flooded and darkness began to clothe the place. I saw Andrea having trouble getting a taxi cab. I approached her.
“It’s hard to get a taxi cab in this kind of weather. I’ll be very happy to drive you home if you wish”, I assuredly uttered.
She looked at me with doubts and hesitations. “Shall I trust this guy?”
“Eh, ah, I want to repay you for your kindness,” I spoke awkwardly, “if not for you, I might have a flu or pneumonia, or bronchitis, or cancer, or…”, reciting all the possible diseases that might attack me which could cause my death.
“Ah, Ron”, she spoke at last.
“Yes”, I replied with a grin.
“Will you really take me home?” She shyly asked.
I smiled and said, “Yes, trust me.”
I am very fortunate to have a father who entrusted his BMW to a fifteen year old son like me. Though it was still heavily raining, I drifted towards the parking lot. It was like crossing a river bank. I stirred my car and drove towards the church’s façade and fetched the awaiting Andrea.
We talked so many things inside the car. Andrea had pretty clever stories. I learned that while she was still young, her grandmother used to bring her to church every day. I laughed at her when she told me that she wanted to become a nun. I didn’t believe what she said.
In the morning the rain subsided and everything went back to normal. The sun brightly shone in the east, spreading golden streaks to illuminate the whole land. The endless clear blue sky was a magnificent hall of infinity. I felt disturbed. I yearned for the angelic face of Andrea. I looked up the sky only to see utter emptiness. I have felt a strong desire of seeing her. Then I remember that she gave me her phone number. I called her up but she was not there. She was staying in their house in Dillon Ville to take care of her sick grandmother.
I thought of coming there. So, I brought some fresh flowers for Andrea and her grandmother. Andrea was sitting in the veranda watching passersby when she caught sight of me.
“What a pleasant surprise,” Andrea greeted. “Why are you here? How did you know this place?” she surprisingly asked me.
“I want to see you and see how’s your grandmother. I hope that you and your grandmother will be delighted with these flowers”, I explained as I handed over the flowers.
“How sweet!” she exclaimed.
“Would you like to come in?” she asked in jovial stress.
I felt a hush of energy enveloping my whole body, driving me to come in. But I was hesitant and a bit shy when Andrea suddenly hoisted my hand and confidently dragged me inside their house. She introduced me to her grandmother who was leisurely sitting on the sofa. Her grandmother looked fine and had recovered from her sickness. Andrea’s grandmother was very much pleased of my visit. We talked a jovial and sensible conversation. We all laughed. At times, her grandmother teased us of being a perfect match. Andrea blushed while I was whimsical.
Her grandmother’s house was very old but wondrously constructed. It reflected a magnificent, elegant and well build structure of simplicity and beauty. I was seized by so much amazement when Andrea toured me in their house. They had a family library with great books where the study hall was just adjacent. A serene and marvelously built mini-chapel near their garden mystically stood. Their collections of antiques and rare statutes were manifestations of deep appreciation for art and beauty. Expensive decorations and ornaments adorned their house. The furniture and fixtures were magnificently made and decorated. But nothing more amazed me than their awesome garden. It had a perfect landscape where lush and verdant meadows rested. Lilac, orchids, roses, bonsai and many rare species of flowers unknown to me where there. The garden looked like an oasis – a garden in a rainforest hundred years ago preserved and nurtured.
Even though Andrea didn’t tell me, I could sense that she was pleased with my visit. I felt that she was pleased with my visit. I felt that she enjoyed being with me and I felt the same too. That visit was not my last, I often came into their house. Sometimes, they invited me for dinner.
My day was not complete if I could not see her. We had happy days together until Andrea’s grandmother passed away. There was nothing I can do but to comfort her in those mournful moments in her life. I don’t know why I feel so sad every time I saw Andrea crying. There was a time she hugged me so tightly and cried on my shoulders. I let her pour out all her sorrows and pain. I knew it was good for her. Andrea’s sorrow has imprinted a pang of pain in my heart. I tried my best to make her happy. I promised to myself not to make her sad and lonely. Yes, I have fallen in love with her. I do love her and promised to seek her own good. I was young but I do love her.
One Sunday evening during the Mass, in a deeply sad tone Andrea told me, “Ron, I am leaving the town”, as she turned her head away from me. I almost shed tears in utter sorrow. I knew she was serious but I managed to keep my composure and said in a jovial mood, “so, where do you think you are going? Hongkong to shop…Las Vegas to…Why don’t?”
“Ron, Ron!”, Andrea uttered while looking at me intently, “I am leaving in order to serve God.” She looked at me tenderly and crystal drops of tears rolled down her cheeks. She looked at me tenderly and crystal drops of tears rolled down her cheeks.
“A nun?”, I sighed.
“I love you”, I muttered hoping that these words will hold her back.
“No, please don’t”. She stooped trying to hide the tears.
“Are those tears mean that you love me too?” I tenderly replied.
“Yes”, she answered sincerely, “but please don’t confuse me more. Yes, there is something here that I feel every time that I am with you. But God calls me since I was a little child and in fact this is for you, for my family, for all of them who need my help and prayers…please understand.”
“I do understand. I think there is nothing more I can do to hold you back. But are you sure?” I painfully uttered.
“Yes Ron”, she insisted.
I stood up and turned away from her. But she held my hand. I don’t like her seeing me downcast. I am supposed to be a cool dude. It’s like against my nature to be feeling that way and behaving so.
“Ron, please don’t blame God for this, okay? I love you so dearly but I do love Him more and I want to serve and follow Him. Promise me that you’ll also follow His will.” She softly begged while gently caressing my hair as if wanted to tame my feelings down.
I nodded. Silence clothed the two of us. The whisper like conversation of the priest and the parishioners in the sacristy and the hallow steps of the passersby were the only serenity of the altar. I sought appeasement there. I can see the angelic face of Andrea projected on the image of the lady saint in the altar. My mind and heart wrestled against each other. I wanted to shout and protest against God, but no voice went out of my throat. I can only feel the throbbing of my heart. Warm tears rolled down my cheeks.
“Ron…Ron”, Andrea moaned.
I can feel the intense affection she wanted to let me feel. She wanted me to lovingly accept that affection…even for the last time.
“Andrea…Andrea”, I softly uttered while tenderly holding her hand.
Distance between us vanished and we felt the unifying force. The feeling was almost unbearable. Distance was an agony. We rested in the sweetness of affection. Little by little, we drew closer to one another…and closer…and closer. What an indescribable feeling of love and affection I felt when our lips met. I realized that Andrea was part of me. Time stopped. All sounds ceased. What a sweet and ecstatic feeling we both shared.
I understand that she wanted me o feel her for the last time…to touch for the last time…to kiss for the last time. A kiss out of love – out of pure love!
Then we realized that we were inside the church. I never felt guilty because I did kiss her without malice but out of love and affection. She never regretted that act of love. I lifted up her chin and looked at her tenderly. She closed her eyes. An invitation for another encounter of that sweet and affectionate gesture. My face moved slowly towards her lips once more. Then we went out of the church. My steps were heavy but I still drove her home.
That night I couldn’t sleep. I thought of many things. I reminisced the past. All those sweet and beautiful memories were once again slated in my memory with sharp vividness. I cannot but utter Andrea’s name in great respect and longing while tears flooded my cheeks.
Before, I thought of romantic movies as baloney. But now, I realized that I am going baloney. I found myself waking up in the middle of the night craving for her presence. I awoke every morning with tearful eyes. Sometimes, I suddenly stirred my car towards their house. My heart trembled whenever I saw the deserted yard. I jumped over the fence and rolled down the lawn. Like a little child forsaken by his mother, I made a deep wail uttering her name. Her absence crippled me and I felt a sudden numbness. I found myself kneeling in front of their door begging God she would come back. I was all alone in that place where I found love and happiness before. But now, pain and frustration – bitterness! What I have had was taken away from me.
That experience had never stopped me from attending the Holy Mass. In fact, every time I attended Mass, I would always remember Andrea. I often sit on the seat we used to occupy before. In fact, whenever I attended Mass the “memory” of Andrea is truly present. She is in my heart and in my mind. Andrea and I had a very beautiful “love story”.
Years passed and attending the Holy Mass became my conscientious habit. At first, I attended Mass because of Andrea. But now, I attended Mass because of Him. A new feeling and enthusiasm had emerged deep within me. I have realized the most essential thing in life – the life in the Eucharist which is the source of happiness.
Now, my attention and whole consciousness is focused on the content and spirit of the Holy Eucharist. I have realized that the Holy Eucharist is the “Love Story” of God and man in the everlasting covenant of love. The Holy Mass is the sublime divine drama of life in which the love of God is manifested. In the Holy Mass, Christ is offered to the Father for the propitiation of our sins in an unbloody manner. What a great realization! The Holy Mass is the greatest Love Story ever told by God to man. Yes, because the Son of God offered Himself on the cross. He died a horrible death and has risen from the dead in order to save us! I have realized how great is the love of the Lord for all of us. And the Holy Mass is a constant remembering of “anamnesis” of that love. Because in the Holy Mass, Christ continually gives Himself to us as the Bread of Life that we partake. The Mass is the source of life and of love! Truly, “happy are those who are called to His banquet”.
“The Mass has ended, let us go to love and serve the Lord”, the priest exclaimed.
I peacefully walked out of the Cathedral. Inner peace and happiness flooded my whole being. As I reflected on all these things, I still remember Andrea. Andrea, the love of my life who has also given up her life to love and serve the Lord. Andrea who accompanied me to find Him through the Holy Eucharist. I still love her but I love her for the sake of the love of God. I cannot posses her because she is for God. I don’t feel pity for her and I should not be pitied for. I feel very happy for her because I know that our love is directed towards a higher cause – for the glory of God. I thanked the Lord because I did not hinder her goal of becoming a nun. Much more, that experience led me to a higher kind of love – the love of the Holy Eucharist which extends to the love of my neighbors.
