Eulogy

Can someone tell me if i miss her?
I seemed to have forgotten how to feel,
When torn between guilt and deceit,
It's all too confusing.
If only I can end it by merely closing my eyes.

Now that memories run with consequent pain,
Can you tell me how do you move on?
When everything reminds me of you,
How do i find my way
To the time when i used to wear a smile?

What do i say to the little hand that clasps mine?
"It's going to be okay because you still have me."
When all the while, I too,
Died along with you.

A Year-ender Reflection & Future Schematics

Although 2008 departed well for me, i am still a bit confused as i sit here in this so familiar room thinking about what to write. Maybe this is because there are still some hang-ups left by the past year or maybe i just had too much fun during my vacation in the province. As much as i would like to provide details of my 2008 journey for the purpose of keeping a permanent record of it, i now deemed it unecessary since this year is something that cannot be easily etched off from my mind.

What is left for me to do now is to share the lessons i learned from 2008. These are quite basic but when life gives you a problem, you often tend to forget these basic ideas since the problem itself is not always presented in black and white (Actually, i'm writing this down to remind me not to do this again.):
1. Love hurts.
2. You win some, you lose some.
3. Focus.
4. Forgive and forget.
5. Be proactive. Be positive.

As for the future plans for this site, i will try my best to work on some materials with lighter mood. I hope this year would make it easier for me to do just that. Some changes had been already put into place like the little description in the comment section for each articles to avoid any confusion. Some instances in the past compelled me to put up that little explanation thingy. I guess it worked. The whole purpose of this website is still unclear to me but one thing is sure though, this is not a story of my life.

I have to cut this short. My mind and heart is still in vacation. Anyway, let me end this with this vid:

Moonlight

Looking down searching for signs
Are you there beneath the city lights?
With a cigarette in one hand
As you revolve with haste and fall
In some stranger's arms?

The haziness of the night
Unravel the movement of silhouette
A series of lies from inception
Only ratiocinated
To have been blurred by terrible weather

Walking back to bed with the hope to fall asleep
In silence, in surrender, i'd let the rain fall
And if in sleep, I'd be able to run away from it all
I'll simply lie here forever in the dark.

Amidst the jovial play of lights
In tracing the loose ends which binds
The vows discarded, there are things that'll stay
Like the moon that shines on you at night
Even if it hides behind the clouds, it shines
Like the beating of the heart.

Plummet

Crawling towards the surface
Excruciating yet the desire to live overwhelms
The sound of breaking nails
The feel of your cold hands grabbing my feet
The future's dim
In your chemical mind, does a shout from nowhere
reverberate a sound?

It's so calm down here...
Loosen the grip and...
Plummet down with me.

With torn flesh!
I await the silver lining to all of these

With eyes tightly shut
Thinking of the things we did to survive
The right and the wrong
The wounds and sacrifices that resurface in debacles
For love, for faith, for others
To the point they'd walk away, I will always be here.

It's so calm down here...
Loosen the grip and...
Plummet down with me.

Stupefied and frozen!
I await the silver lining to all of these.

But what is the point
When everything else fades like smoke as fast as you exhale?
Alarming gentle snap
Silent yet the chills it sends to being
Looking down just to see a hypnotic abyss
Feet freely dangling, as you moved on without a scream.

It's so calm down here...
Loosen the grip and...
Plummet down.

A question hangs over the shoulders...
Where is the silver lining to all of these?

Mud

Cocooned...
hide away from the finger that points to this direction
Wait...
watch as it goes back fourfold
Like dirt...
sticking on the soles of your feet
Wait...
until it gets washed away.

Living another day
To rip open old wounds

Jump! Dive inside contradictions
Into inescapable web of irony
More riddles... bullets to kill
Noone but me.

Unless... these phrases form a notion
In itself to feed an obsession for oneself.

Come! Jump inside this construct,
In this inescapable web of irony
If you do see yourself,
Come on and rectify... Defile!

More riddles to feed...
The demons..
More riddles... bullets to kill
You and me.

In this puddle of mud,
The intention was to dance alone.