Who Am I

"Who am I?", an age-old question that even the greatest philosophers of our time can not provide even an ounce of persuasive response. Decartes in a seemingly inebriated state uttered "cogito ergo sum!" without a magic wand while Heraclitus got stuck on his "One and the Many" concept as their explanation. Several fields of study have been established, numerous treatises have been written, countries going to war, body counts increased, seas of blood and tears wasted just to be able to come up with the answer to this question, "Who am I?". There maybe some hints from here and there but still, these are not conclusive as to who I really am.

When I first encountered the question, I thought that this is elementary. But as I delve deeper in contemplation for a response to this question, realization struck me that I myself do not have the answer to this rudimentary query. So rudimentary indeed that the question is closely associated with the notion of Urstoff, a concept concerning a primordial matter raised by a supposedly inquisitive individual now long dead and gone. Yeah, he died without coming up with a really good answer goddamit!

Meanwhile, I found myself being a part of several academic institutions in my pursuit of my own answer to the question. I looked for the answer in philosophy and law and yet the answer to the question still escapes me. I also looked for it in music, sex, drugs, alcohol, piercings, mosh pits, fist fights but only to realize that these things only drew me farther and farther to my goal.

There are times that I only come to know about myself according to the perception of others. I learned that i used to have a girl's legs when i was younger from my grandma; that i sometimes snore when I sleep according to my girlfriend; that I drive like I am driving a funeral car according to my sister-in-law; that I looked like Kapitan Boom according to a text message from a psychotic ex days ago; that I am an ass sometimes according to my younger sister, so on and so forth. However, all these observation fails to explain the very essence of my existence. It failed to answer questions like why am i here in the first place? Why i react this way? What would I do to get from point A to point B? Why am I being an ass sometimes as alleged by my sister? Unlike other living and soulless creature or inanimate objects, why can't anyone predict my fate? measure potentials? Formulate a catalyst that can draw out a positive or negative response from me with pinpoint accuracy?

All the while i thought after being through with so much bullcrap in my life, i can come up with something that would entitle me to get at least a grace point for this endeavour. Well, i guess i failed. With a cigarette on one hand, I thought of what to say about my life.. about who i am.. I thought of it so hard that i can feel a vein fiercely throbbing over my forehead as if it's going to explode. Only to realize that i have been slapped on the face with the truth that after living life for several years, i may have a general idea of who i am like i am 27 years old, single, an owner of a one-eyed dog, a complacent post graduate student but the fact still remains that i have no idea who i really am... for all you and i know, i might just be Superman if i start wearing my brief outside my pants... which by the way, i am starting to seriously entertain now since it is raining hard outside and i do not want my jeans to get wet.