Seven Days Of Bad Luck: Day 2

Day 2. I'm still feeling shitty so I greeted the morning with a crispy and resounding "Fuck!" and tried to get back to sleep when a few seconds later the door swung open. It was our maid handing me a cup of coffee. I asked her why. She retorted that she thought she heard me asking for coffee. Nice.

I was forced to sit back up and sip the lamely heated cup of coffee. I grudgingly stood up and walked in front of my PC, lost in the thought if there is in any way, this day be different from yesterday. I looked for my cellphone below the heap of junk for a possible sign that my luck indeed changed. Inbox. One message received. Yes! With renewed hope, i quickly opened it up. The message read: "You are cheating on me..." What the fuck! Can you hand me a dictionary please and pound it on my fucking head. I seem to have missed the definition of the term.

After regaining composure, i realized that i can't really blame her for thinking that way. Because lately, i haven't been telling her about the hell i'm going through. It's just too depressing. We've already had enough drama in our lives. I decided that it's best to just spend the rest of the day in slumber and hope not to wake up anymore.

6:18P.M. I peeped through between the spaces of the blinds and realized that i missed the sun again. I took a cigarette, lit it up and slumped back on the concrete wall. What now? I let off a sigh allowing the smoke to rush out my mouth and nostrils. My mind wandered on the past, asking why i wound up like this. I am a mess. Everybody thinks i am a mess. For how long have i been this way? Yea, it's quite different now that she's gone. But given the option whether or not to be with her, i'd rather be like this than to destroy both of us in the process. Let me be the one to rot here. And there it goes again. The pangs of pain came rushing in like a toxic chemical emitted by this weary heart. Why does it have to run in just one part of my vein? With full force, i thumped the wall with the back of my fist hoping this nightmare would stop. A muffled thud. Something gave in from above me and before i knew it, the acoustic guitar hanging on the wall conveniently fell on my head. Bang!

That must have hurt, i thought. But it didn't sting at all. I'm feeling numb inside and out. If the roof of this room would fall on me too, i wouldn't give a fuck. And it's just Day 2.

The Search For The Last Hero Of Zaraphina: The Sanctuary

The Messenger:
Lookin at the corner of my eyes
Tryin to save that sweetest smile
Can you hear me from all the way here?
The silence emanating between the sea that parts us

I wish we have more time
One minute past ten, i bid my goodbye
If only my world not consumed in fire
I'd stay here a while longer and dodge glances in poor attempt

But how can i reconcile?
Hiding in the safety of your sanctuary
When my world is falling apart
In bits, my dreams,
In ashes, carried away in the air

Is this a weakness?
My gauntlets are slipping off
My quiver empty...
The message undelivered

From my journey... I'm weary
Will you let me rest here for a while
In the tranquility of your sanctuary
Embrace me...

The Lady of the Sanctuary:
Stranger from a distant galaxy...
I am mourning your loss, i grieve
But i'm powerless
I'm afraid...
You're on your own.

Seven Days Of Bad Luck

When i woke up this morning, i knew right away that this is going to be a fucked up week. "How'd you know?", she asked. I told her i was a psychic. i laughed at myself in saying that but i'm still disoriented from lack of sleep so i didn't bother to take it back.

"i have so many things to do today", i absentmindedly told her while sipping a lamely heated cup of coffee. She wondered why i was not moving my ass off to prepare for the things that need attending. I simply reminded her that it is going to be a week of bad luck anyway, so why bother. i proceeded in deliberately brushing the topic aside by giving her compliments. She bought it.

We've been talking for days now. And in that brief period of time, i felt at ease talking to her. I told her everything, confide with her my troubles, why am i feeling shitty most of the time. I told her that i consider her as my sanctuary. And she liked it because according to her, it's closely knitted to the state of bliss. I wanted to protest but i guess, i'll let it pass.

Unmindful of the fact that i have to attend a presentation, i continued chatting with her about music, paintings, photographs, doodling heart shaped stuff. Yeah, it can't be denied. I'm feeling a strong attraction for this girl. However, since it is a self-proclaimed week of bad luck, it started happening. Somewhere in our conversation, i goddam blurted out if she would like to join me for dinner that night. And then goddam, take it back by saying, never mind.

"Why?", she asked. She was referring as to why i have taken back the proposal. i was dumbstruck. Not that i don't have any reason. The fact is, i have the perfect reason why i had to take it back. i was not inclined to say it for fear that it might hurt her in some way. It is a perfect reason, in the sense that i don't want her and the other people to think that i am bouncing since i just recently came out from a devastating relationship with someone. And the truth is... i'm still hurting.. It is perfect, in the sense that... i simply wanted for everything to be perfect this time. Do you get me? i panicked... and what a mistake that was.

I excused myself for the hope that she'd forget i ever asked. And since this is a week of bad luck, of course, i received from her a note saying, " I do not want to talk to you anymore."

In my frustration, i tore the calendar off the wall, took a pentel pen and scribbled a couple of straight lines across the next seven days including this very day. Talking to myself now, "I told you this is a week of bad luck. God should have goddam stricken this week off the calendar. And come to think of it... I am still stuck in Day One and six fucking days to go!"

We Shot The Sheriff

I bet that caught your attention. If there is such an award for The Worst Title Giver then, that would be me. You can ask Ma'am Shiela about that.

Anyway, I just would like to share how this whole project materialized since Roy is being so mysterious and all. He is the one hiding under the pseudonym iamweasel. He is one of my best friends since highschool. For some reason during his hibernation in the mountains, it dawned upon him the idea of getting into photography. For years, he trained in the mountains shooting birds, people, trees, clouds... i can hardly count the body bags! He did this all on his own. Well, at some point, he took a vocational course in photography for a few months. Here is the mugshot of the culprit with his so-called pearly white smile. If found, kindly return to Abigail.

It is amazing how three bottles of Red Horse beer can change a person's perspective over something. After downing my share of our elixir in one of our drinking marathon while staring at these alien materials in my hand, the words just struck me. It is all over the pictures. Can you see that? Can you feel it too? I felt the urge to write it down. I can't explain how it is exactly, but it is more like a trance for me. I liked it. Hence, here we are now in this Lil Dark Room.

As you may have noticed, we've done this for months, went on roadtrips, shoot here, shoot there. God! I lost count now as to how many body bags would there be if we were firing a live gun. It was only recently that we have decided to share this to others. We hope you enjoyed your visit. For sure, there will be more to come. I am expecting that one of our good friend would also join us here in this Lil Dark Room pretty soon. And at this point, i leave you with one of Bob Marley's songs...

Thanks guys! God Speed!

The Search For The Last Hero Of Zaraphina: Devil's Sonata

The Menace:
The wheels has been set in motion
The cork removed from this sturdy vessel
Arise the death machine, from the darkness
the time is now to rise from your slumber

Tearing the vestiges of the past
Feel the shockwave of anger and pulsating trauma
I've only wanted to feel that you really love me
But it is a blade that pierces between these ribs

Just like you i longed to touch, feel and breathe
Your fire consumed the remaining humanity in me
Is it deep enough or should i push it further?
Hush now, wipe those tears, soon this will be over

The Messenger:
Tell me something about this parable
Why have you come and destroy us all
Why have you come and shove us to our fall
What have we done to offend you in a way?

The Menace:
Oh I am not changing anything
It has always been the way it is
You're the one who created the monster in me
The day you took my love away from me

I've always thought that that this is something i can bear
But what you're doing is something no one can get used to
I thought my face being down in the mud is justified
But somehow this is something that only pigs can get used to

And now that there's nothing i can care about
I'll bring you all here with me
Coz there's nothing more i can care about
I'll just bring you all here with me

And when everything is pacified
See all the things that i defiled
And realize that it's just the same as if...
I've never.. been... here.

The Search For The Last Hero Of Zaraphina: The Awakening

The Messenger:

You gnawed and spit blood, broken bones, those lovely teeth

Eat on the bricks of chopped down dreams, bring it down now dear

The angst of a deprived, hungry creature of sin finally emerging victorious

your demise is now under construction as we feed towards your direction

A sad news of a previous mistake

A text written in blood, sayin’ you’re next

Perturbed as the reports came barging in

is taking form on its own…

Shapeshifter behemoth son demon of Abraham

Blue flame aura enveloped sending chills in every warriors’ spine…

Lifting off…… one step back to the watery grave

Send in the recon captain, this is going to be another long day…

A call of distress from far away galaxy… will you come and save the day?

Decode… battling answers across a rampaging asteroids of riddles

Will you get it in time… before everyone else is long dead and gone?

While we wait… mind if i stay here a lil bit longer?

While i try to grapple and get the message in order?

Decode… battling answers across space and time continuum

will you get it in time before… it is all dead and gone?

The lady weeps… numbers are going down fast

The spineless darkling, behemoth devil son of Abraham

Apocalyptic killing spree, guns for the children

fight or be devoured by the blue flamed nightmare

Is there still sun behind this crimson sky?

Enter violin… enter sound of destruction… enter despair…

enter monotonous beat… drown us now… lay us to rest…

as we partake in this bloody awakening…

under this crimson sky.

An Attempt To Synthesize Love And Reason: Episode 3.108

Just before you draw the line between right and wrong

And just before i step out of the bounds of reason
Let me conjure up the remaining sanity
To utter the words that could make even a little bit of sense
To everything that had just taken place...

In dealing with the intricacies of arriving to a consensus

How much tears shall we wage before we arrive to a truce?

In dealing with our plans to be together till the end

How many innocent shall fall to make fate bend?

In the attempt to synthesize love and reason.
Blood and tears i paid the price oh! i was the perfect fool
in your hands, the things i hold dear cast and vanish to oblivion
in the attempt to synthesize love and reason,
i lost her... yes, i lost her now.

In the four corners of this lil dark room..
I searched for you, my passion... my one obsession..

in my attempt to synthesize...
to love... to reason...
to feel... to live...

i lost her... yes, i lost her now...
i lost you...

i lost me.

Love Story

When i first saw her, i shooed her away. I hated it everytime that one eye of her stares blankly at me and moving her head from side to side as if asking what i am doing. up until now, i do not understand why she likes to stand behind my door. Goddamit! I hated it. She leaves an awful mess whenever i step out of the room. one day, i could not take it anymore. i hastily dragged her downstairs and outside the house with a stern warning that if she ever comes back in my life, i will have her kicked out of the house literally.

she cried days and nights. The funny thing is somehow, those muffled cries got into me. I felt sorry. And to make matters worse, i kinda felt that i missed her so i invited her in. when i opened the door, she jumped onto me as if i have been gone for centuries. yeah yeah... i hate to admit it but... i think i love my sister's one eyed dog now. that is my love story.

you... what have you done lately?

Who Am I

"Who am I?", an age-old question that even the greatest philosophers of our time can not provide even an ounce of persuasive response. Decartes in a seemingly inebriated state uttered "cogito ergo sum!" without a magic wand while Heraclitus got stuck on his "One and the Many" concept as their explanation. Several fields of study have been established, numerous treatises have been written, countries going to war, body counts increased, seas of blood and tears wasted just to be able to come up with the answer to this question, "Who am I?". There maybe some hints from here and there but still, these are not conclusive as to who I really am.

When I first encountered the question, I thought that this is elementary. But as I delve deeper in contemplation for a response to this question, realization struck me that I myself do not have the answer to this rudimentary query. So rudimentary indeed that the question is closely associated with the notion of Urstoff, a concept concerning a primordial matter raised by a supposedly inquisitive individual now long dead and gone. Yeah, he died without coming up with a really good answer goddamit!

Meanwhile, I found myself being a part of several academic institutions in my pursuit of my own answer to the question. I looked for the answer in philosophy and law and yet the answer to the question still escapes me. I also looked for it in music, sex, drugs, alcohol, piercings, mosh pits, fist fights but only to realize that these things only drew me farther and farther to my goal.

There are times that I only come to know about myself according to the perception of others. I learned that i used to have a girl's legs when i was younger from my grandma; that i sometimes snore when I sleep according to my girlfriend; that I drive like I am driving a funeral car according to my sister-in-law; that I looked like Kapitan Boom according to a text message from a psychotic ex days ago; that I am an ass sometimes according to my younger sister, so on and so forth. However, all these observation fails to explain the very essence of my existence. It failed to answer questions like why am i here in the first place? Why i react this way? What would I do to get from point A to point B? Why am I being an ass sometimes as alleged by my sister? Unlike other living and soulless creature or inanimate objects, why can't anyone predict my fate? measure potentials? Formulate a catalyst that can draw out a positive or negative response from me with pinpoint accuracy?

All the while i thought after being through with so much bullcrap in my life, i can come up with something that would entitle me to get at least a grace point for this endeavour. Well, i guess i failed. With a cigarette on one hand, I thought of what to say about my life.. about who i am.. I thought of it so hard that i can feel a vein fiercely throbbing over my forehead as if it's going to explode. Only to realize that i have been slapped on the face with the truth that after living life for several years, i may have a general idea of who i am like i am 27 years old, single, an owner of a one-eyed dog, a complacent post graduate student but the fact still remains that i have no idea who i really am... for all you and i know, i might just be Superman if i start wearing my brief outside my pants... which by the way, i am starting to seriously entertain now since it is raining hard outside and i do not want my jeans to get wet.

Beer Tragedy

Last night, i went out with some friends in Quattro Timog. We were on table D7. The table was a little messy. It showed some signs that somebody gobbled down a beer and for some reason unknown to me, seemed to have left in a hurry. i called the attention of the waiter in a mafioso manner like in the 80's movie (to quote our department manager). We ordered the quezon city's finest macho mags. Oh! the sight of red horse overflowing on the gigantic mugs. If only i could swim inside it, I'd be stripping down my clothes right there. I managed to keep my composure over the thought and savor the taste of beer in silence, leaving nothing but ice on the bottom of the mug.

Out of nowhere, this lady approached me. What a beautiful sight! She got these rosy cheeks and a smile embroidered in braces. She got a tattoo on her ass... yes, this is one thing that can get my eyes off my macho mug. I knew she would be selling me something. i knew it would be overpriced. I chanted this fact in my head over and over... until she began to lean over and speak closely on my ear.

"Sir, are you interested in buying this marlboro lights with free lighter..."

I am pretty sure she was still uttering something but i can't make out the words that came out after that for i was consumed with the lovely scent of her breath and the graceful movement of her mouth.

After that encounter, i found myself P100 poorer than ever and a lighter to remind me of my folly.