Life And Photography

"That goddam bird! There it goes again!" the Lungkot Team's official photographer exclaimed as he pointed angrily at the great blue sky. We gave a sudden questioning laugh and as we turned towards the direction he was pointing, we saw a seemingly little dark speck floating around a hundred miles away above a landscape. "With the sky as the backdrop of the shot, that goddam bird would surely look like a goddam fly in the photo," he said as he shook his head in frustration while adjusting the lenses of the camera for another shot.

Most of us in the team has little know how when it comes to professional photography but somehow, we understood why our official photographer was upset. Time was of the essence especially when the subject involves landscapes. That one day brush with photography made me realize that every passing minute in a day creates a certain impact in the final outcome of the photograph. The revolution of the sun, the impact of its radiant light, the silent war with the moon and the ancient and predictable retreat of the sun to pave way for the night, and the illusory title of dominion of the night manifested through the creeping darkness over the vastness of the planet gives a certain mood or feel to the photos. These changes oftentimes go unnoticed. Rather, we oftentimes take notice of it only when the moment has been preserved in printed form or displayed in our monitors. Moments like when upon seeing our photo collections, we'd say, "Holy shit! I looked good on this one," "We were so much happy that time," or "That place is so beautiful. I wonder when will I be able to go back there." And even if the photograph is a stranger or new to us, I bet that you would agree that sometimes the mood captured by the camera is so overwhelming that you can feel it as if you were there. A transmission of emotion comparable to music but only this time, we see rather than hear in order to feel what is being laid before our senses. But unlike music which usually transmits messages through words, photograph transmits messages through our eyes and thus, it is more subjective. In other words, our disposition in life (what we feel at the moment, our knowledge, beliefs, values, upbringing, etc) plays a vital role in giving meaning to a photograph.

During the road trip, i chanced to hold a digital camera of a friend. It was magical. Yes, I am fond of beautiful girls, but my fondness for that specific thing of beauty extended to a more child-like innocence. The camera led me to appreciate God's creation in general. I searched and saw beauty on the wild flowers growing beside the edge of a cliff. I saw beauty in an old and vandalized waiting shed. I saw beauty in an antique cemented grill. I saw beauty in a leafless tree. For Christ's sake! I know it sounds gay but i even saw beauty in our most celebrated Boy Lungkot Best Actor!

Whew! Now that the sexual tension has been set aside (fuck!LOL), there are so many things to be learned in photography. For a newbie like me in that field, my first lesson was to have fun. You don't have to be professional to enjoy photography. It is just a matter of cruising your car slowly on the side of the highway, take the keys away from the ignition, go out and lean comfortably at the side of your car, take out a cigarette, fire it up, look around, zoom in to the thing that really catches your eyes, frame it in your mind or better yet, with your camera. Feel your corporeal existence with humility and be mesmerize with the grandeur of the things around you. That despite of the fact it oftentimes go unnoticed, it persistently continues to live on and silently deliver the message of order and beauty beyond man's comprehension and as if it is not enough, it even generously allows us to partake and even preserve its beauty and wonder through photography.

And that is the...

"Goddam it! There goes that stuuupid bird againnn!!!"

Boy Lungkot

Lumipas na naman ang isang araw,
Lumipas na naman isang pagkakataon.
Paano ka ulit masisilayan?
Sa sarili ko ngayo'y itinatanong.

Pilit ikinukubli sa piling ng mga ulap,
Nilulumot na mga pangarap,
Na sa iyo'y masambit kahit man lang pabulong,
Itong pagtingin na matagal ng nakakulong.

Pilit na niyayakap
Pilit kumakawala
Sa ihip ng hangin
Sana ay huwag tangayin.

Silent Departure

Can you hear me breathing?
Can you see me as you pass by?
Can you hear the roar of the machine
driven by a selfish murderous swine?

Barely naked, greased undignified body
Lying on the coarse hellish concrete
The ultimate victim of greed money and power
Innocence wither like leaves under the sun.

Would you dare to take a glimpse
As i raise a hand in the air?
Would you ever take time to decipher
The message of this silent scream?

Fully clothed, decorated dignified body
Lying on a comfortable ancient bed
Of power, money and dishonesty
mind sparing me a piece of that bread?

Can you hear me breathing?
Can you see my soul depart?
These feet wrapped in plastic,
would you leave them as they are?

Tatsulok

Panipiazon. Isang baryo sa bayan ng Aklan na datapwa't malayo sa kabihasnan at kakulangan ng aksyon ng kinauukulan para sa ikauunlad nito ay hindi makikitaan ng pagkabahala sa mga taong matagal ng naninirahan doon. Ang kawalan ng kuryente, kakulangan sa patubig at mga lubak lubak at mabatong kalsada ay hindi balakid sa mga residente ng lugar upang magkaroon ng mga mumunting kasiyahan sa pamamagitan ng pyesta, simpleng handaan tuwing binyag at kaarawan, palarong pampalakasan o selebrasyon sa isang masaganang ani. Sa mga ordinaryong araw, at bilang pampalipas oras, makikita ang mga kabataan na nagkukumpulan sa harap ng pinakatanyag na maliit na tindahan sa lugar, kung hindi man naglalaro ang mga bata ng tatsing o holen sa hapon, sa pagsapit ng dilim, ang mga binata ay nagsisipagdatingan pagkagaling sa bukid upang tumungga ng tuba habang nakikipagkuwentuhan o minsan nama'y mangantiyaw o magpalipad hangin sa mga dalagang dumadaan. Ang buhay sa Panipiazon ay pawang simple lamang. Isang buhay na kadalasan ay sa libro na lang natin nababasa. Sa isang madaling salita, datapwat nasa taong 2008 na, ang mga residente ng Panipiazon ay parang ikinulob at inilayo sa progreso at teknolohiya na ang pinakaresulta, ang mga tao ay namulat at namumuhay na parang nasa dekada otsenta pa rin.

Isang gabi, masaya at bahagyang kinakapos pa sa hiningang dumating si Tawe sa tanyag na tindahan ni Lola Adeng , dala ang balita sa dalawa niyang pinakamalapit na kaibigan na sa kasalukuyan ay nag-iinuman na muli niyang nakausap ang napupusuan niyang dalaga sa ilaya, isang masukal na bahagi ng baryo. May halong pagsusumamo niyang ibinahagi sa dalawa na nangangailangan siya ng tulong para ayusin ang bodega na pag-aari ng amain ng dalaga. Matagal na panahon na rin binabalik balikan ni Tawe ang dalaga sa ilaya para ito ay suyuin. Ang pag aayus ng bodega ang nakikita niyang pag asa para tuluyang mapaibig nito ang sinisinta. Subalit si Tawe ay hindi ganoon kalakasan para gawin ang lahat ng pagsasaayos. Kahit medyo malusog at balingkinitan ang katawan, alam niya na hindi matatapos ang may kalakihang bodega sa takdang panahon ng susunod na ani. Si Delio, isang ulila na binatang magsasaka at tagaalaga ng mga manok sa sabong at ang pinakamaliit sa tatlong magkakaibigan ay natawa ngunit may bahid ng paghanga sa pursigidong si Tawe ay bahagyang sumampay ng braso sa balikat ni Tawe at ibinahagi ang pagpapaunlak sa kaibigan na ikinatuwa naman ng una. Ngumisi lang sa narinig si Baldo, ang malapit na kaibigan ni Tawe na mangangalakal ng tuba, kopra at abaka sa Poblacion ng Madalag. Kinantyawan lang nito si Tawe na lolokohin lang ng una ang dalaga pagkatapos makuha ang gusto nito gaya ng nangyari sa dating kasintahan na si Bernates na kung saan naging masigasig na magkaribal ang dalawa. Tumawa lang si Tawe sabay sabi, "Aasahan ko kayo sa makalawa ng umaga ha. Pagnatapos natin 'to... libre ko ang inuman."

Dumating ang takdang araw at madilim dilim pa ay maririnig na kumakatok si Tawe at Delio sa bahay ni Baldo. Sa pagbukas ng pinto ay maaaninag ang bahid ng pagkaasiwa sa mukha ni Baldo, marahil sa biglaang pagkakagising sa mahimbing na pagkakatulog. "Oo eto na nga palabas na..." ang lumalangitngit na wika ni Baldo habang humahangos na isinusuot ang t-shirt at lumang jacket sabay hablot sa sanduko na nakasabit sa likuran ng pinto. Makikitang hirap na isinusukbit ni Baldo ang sanduko sa bilis ng lakad ng kanyang mga kasama habang ang kanilang mga anino ay nilalamon ng dilim.

Habang ingat na tinatahak ang peligroso, makipot at baku-bakong pilapil, "Mga pare, salamat talaga sa pagtulong niyo. Isang malaking utang na loob ko sa inyo ito pagnagkatuluyan kami. Mahal ko kasi siya," ang seryosong sambit ni Tawe na bumasag sa namumutawing katahimikan ng dalawang kaibigan. Tumango lang si Delio na nasa unahan ng dalawa. Si Baldo ay hindi umimik. Panandaliang sumagi sa isipan niya ang mukha ng isang babae sa Poblacion na matagal na niyang hindi nakikita. Isang buntung hininga ang sekretong pinawalan sa sapantahang kasabay nito ang pagkawala ng kanyang panlulumo. Ibinaling niya ang isipan sa maaring magandang kapalaran ng kaibigan. Sila ay desi-syete anyos na at sa lugar nila, ito ay sapat na gulang na para magkapamilya. Sa mulat sapul, sila ay magkakaibigan na at ang samahan nila ay kilala sa baryo bilang higit pa sa magkakapatid. Si Delio ay ulilang lubos at ang kapatid niya ay nagtatrabaho sa Manila. Si Tawe ay nag-iisang anak ng magsasaka. Si Baldo ay galing sa malaking pamilya pero dahil sa katigasan ng ulo ay hindi niya makasundo ang mga ito. Isinumpa siya ng hindi sinasadyang masaktan ang ina buhat ng isang mainit na pagtatalo. Naging palaboy siya pero natutong tumayo sa sariling mga paa. Napangiti siya sa ideyang may kanya kanya na silang pamilya at nagsasalo salo sa kaarawan ng kani-kanilang anak.

Mataas na ang sikat ng araw ng marating nila ang bahay ng dalaga. Isang dalawang palapag na kubo ang nasabing tirahan. Lakas loob na kumatok si Tawe sa kawayang pinto sabay sambit sa pangalan ng dalaga, "Mina... Mina... Tao po...Andito na kami." Sa may gawing likuran ng bahay dali daling lumabas ang dalaga bitbit pa ang mga bagong labang mga damit. "Oh Tawe! Haha! Ikaw ha... binibiro lang kita na ayusin mo ang lumang bodega namin... Huwag mong sabihing..." sorpresang ibinungad ng dalaga. "Oo naman! Malakas ka sa akin eh... Eto nga at dala namin ang mga kagamitan sa pag aayos," ang maliksing sagot ni Tawe sabay pakilala kay Mina sa dalawa niyang matalik na kaibigan.

Nakangiting inalis ni Delio ang sumbrero bilang pagbigay respeto sa dalaga nang ipakilala siya ni Tawe. Subalit nang ipinapakilala na si Baldo, ay parang tuod na napako sa kinatatayuan ang binata. Sa kabilang banda ang dalaga ay maaninag na napaisip wari'y pilit na inaalala kung bakit pamilyar ang mukha ni Baldo. "Mina pala ang pangalan niya...", sambit ni Baldo sa sarili na para bang nasagot ang isang matagal na nakatagong misteryo. Si Mina, siya ang palihim na hinahangaan ni Baldo na madalas niya dating nakikita sa Poblacion na namimili ng feeds sa manok. Ni mga matalik niyang mga kaibigan ay hindi alam ang bahagi ng buhay niyang ito.

Ang paghanga niya sa dalaga ay malalim. Isang paghangang kahit sa pagtulog at paggising ay nakabaon sa kanyang isipan. Mukha ng isang dalagang walang pangalan pero may angkin na mala anghel na kagandahan. Isang mukhang makikitaan ng tumatalikwas na mahabang pilik mata, malaporselanang balat, magandang hubog ng katawan at mamula mulang mga labi. At ang mga ngiti niya, nakakabaliw sa sobrang ganda. Ipinagtatanong niya ang pangalan ng dalaga sa mga taga roon subalit walang may alam. At sa mga sandaling ito ang lahat ng katanungan niya ay nasagot. Sino ang mag aakalang ang kabihasnan na ito ay may itinatagong ganito kagandang nilalang.





--- to be continued...

Fishermen Of Mud

This photo was taken in the Cavite-Manila Coastal Bay. As seen in the picture, a group of fishermen is trying out their luck to catch fish in the murky river in that area. The river is so dark with filth and mud that it is almost logical for one to conclude that no decent living organism suitable for human sustenance would ever survive in that area except maybe for dirt-eating single lifeforms or disease-causing bacteria.
Odd as it sounded, the fishermen claimed that there are still some decent fish that can be caught in the area. However, the fish must be camera shy at the time this photo was taken because the fishermen were not able to get even a single one.
A spouse and kid await silently on the shore with eyes set on the badly torn fish net as each scoop yields nothing but mud and pieces of entangled garbage. Exhaustion setting in and eventhough the path is determined, the woman heavily paced back while lost at the idea that her family would be undergoing another day of starvation.

What Could Have Been

10 years thereafter,

we relived the past and what we've missed,

the cries and laughter,

so much words that we suppressed.

and with a broken heart of what could have been,

you hugged me and wished me well,

that I'd find myself the right girl.

Saddened by what transpired, we bid goodbye,
and as you walk away i silently replied,
i already did... and she's married with kids..
and grieved on the opportunity of a lifetime that has passed us by.

Hinagpis

Sa paglagos ng bakal sa aking kalamnan
Ang pait at sakit na dinamdam
Dugong naghalo sa tubig ulan
Kaibigan... ikaw ang nasa isipan.

Kung iyong naaalala, tayo'y laging magkasama,
Sa paglubog at paglitaw, sa problema't kasiyahan.
Alingawngaw ng tawanan at lamig na nararamdaman,
Parusa sa'yo na itinakda,
Aking tinanggap upang ikaw ay makalaya.

Ngunit... kaibigan nasa'n ka na?
Linggo ngayon, 'di ka ba bibisita?
Lamig ng luha ko'y di mo na makikita,
Dahil... ako'y bangkay na...
Kaibigan pa rin ba kita?

A Tryst On A Full Moon

Silence befalls the lovers tonight.
Wary that words might make or break it this time.
Cold air seeping between the spaces...
Tears seeping through the pavement.

Full moon brilliantly fixated overhead,
as its light caresses the entire earth.
The rustling of the leaves remained consistent...
concordant to the symphony of the breeze.

Palms covering a disparaged face...
Water colliding down the chin...
A muffled yet intense outburst in pain...
Caused by an age-old despised sin.

Full moon that once reign overhead,
light is now smothered in shame and dread.
The gentle breeze that once made the leaves sway,
is now gone... leaving things in disarray.

Her head stooped down as if crying,
A silent grief for a fate determined.
Her face is wet but not as much,
As the other person beside her...
Who loved her so much.

Lil Dark Room

Click it on.
Lit the room.
When I'm gone,
Kiss the moon.

Blur my eyes...
With crystal clear
Stinging rays.
Drops of tears.

Succumb in despair...
Failure to hold dear...
The thing i most desire
is the thing that will kill...
The passion...
This existence...
This life.

Load it in...
Slowly squeeze...
Breath some in...
Of the gentle breeze.

Click it off...
Dim the room...
Kiss the moon...
For i am done.

Pang of pain...
Slip back, relax...
Burning flesh...
Sea of red.

Succumb in despair...
Failure to hold dear...
The thing i most desire
is the thing that killed...

me.

ClipHanger

I am not the brightest in my class. The fact is, i am one of those very first people my classmates would think of if the topic of the conversation suddenly swerved on flunking a quiz, an exam or a recitation. That maybe the case but i don't really mind. at some point, what they say is true. i am not a consistent person when it comes to studying. Yeah, sometimes i am a hedonist and sometimes i am a scholar. I can only give in to one personality at a time.. right? But at times, when they suspect me not studying when i actually did... ha! I dare not waste my saliva to justify my side. why you asked? that would only blow my cover.. lol. Flunking a test when all the while you studied is much more embarrassing compared to the one who haven't read a page.(>.<)

It is now apparent to you that i am not the teacher pet type. In fact, i am one of those who prefer to sit at the rear end of the classroom, away from the profs in a manner that if i don't get at least 20 meters away from em within ten seconds, i'd literally burn, pop out some nasty weird substance and die. When the class starts, i am a shadow. My massive torso is capable of shrinking smaller than the back of the other person sitting in front of me. And when names are called for recitation, i do the matrix stunt in the hope of evading bullets. If i do get caught in the crossfire, i slapped my forehead as though in bad luck but no... guys like me are fearless. we do that to intimidate the professor. Me and my buddies at the rear side of the class do not ask academic questions in order to stimulate what we read. We do it this way:
C1: have you read the assignment?
C2: No.
C1: Good. i am not alone.

Yeah.. i am one of those who by mere stroke of luck got to where we are now. However, the reality is that we do not always get out unscathed. Probability of failure increases every passing day. Anyhow, we are not oblivious of the fact that the steeper we are, the harder it gets to the finish line. We maybe a happy go lucky bunch but we are not completely mentally deficit. We are a lover of challenge. We have the passion. And we did not make it at this stage empty handed. We will drink, get drunk and when we're sober, we'll change the plan... we will hang on to it not only with two or three fingers. This time, we will use both hands and a rope made of steel. Yeah... not really profound as expected but that's just the way it is going to be... lol