Eulogy

Can someone tell me if i miss her?
I seemed to have forgotten how to feel,
When torn between guilt and deceit,
It's all too confusing.
If only I can end it by merely closing my eyes.

Now that memories run with consequent pain,
Can you tell me how do you move on?
When everything reminds me of you,
How do i find my way
To the time when i used to wear a smile?

What do i say to the little hand that clasps mine?
"It's going to be okay because you still have me."
When all the while, I too,
Died along with you.

A Year-ender Reflection & Future Schematics

Although 2008 departed well for me, i am still a bit confused as i sit here in this so familiar room thinking about what to write. Maybe this is because there are still some hang-ups left by the past year or maybe i just had too much fun during my vacation in the province. As much as i would like to provide details of my 2008 journey for the purpose of keeping a permanent record of it, i now deemed it unecessary since this year is something that cannot be easily etched off from my mind.

What is left for me to do now is to share the lessons i learned from 2008. These are quite basic but when life gives you a problem, you often tend to forget these basic ideas since the problem itself is not always presented in black and white (Actually, i'm writing this down to remind me not to do this again.):
1. Love hurts.
2. You win some, you lose some.
3. Focus.
4. Forgive and forget.
5. Be proactive. Be positive.

As for the future plans for this site, i will try my best to work on some materials with lighter mood. I hope this year would make it easier for me to do just that. Some changes had been already put into place like the little description in the comment section for each articles to avoid any confusion. Some instances in the past compelled me to put up that little explanation thingy. I guess it worked. The whole purpose of this website is still unclear to me but one thing is sure though, this is not a story of my life.

I have to cut this short. My mind and heart is still in vacation. Anyway, let me end this with this vid:

Moonlight

Looking down searching for signs
Are you there beneath the city lights?
With a cigarette in one hand
As you revolve with haste and fall
In some stranger's arms?

The haziness of the night
Unravel the movement of silhouette
A series of lies from inception
Only ratiocinated
To have been blurred by terrible weather

Walking back to bed with the hope to fall asleep
In silence, in surrender, i'd let the rain fall
And if in sleep, I'd be able to run away from it all
I'll simply lie here forever in the dark.

Amidst the jovial play of lights
In tracing the loose ends which binds
The vows discarded, there are things that'll stay
Like the moon that shines on you at night
Even if it hides behind the clouds, it shines
Like the beating of the heart.

Plummet

Crawling towards the surface
Excruciating yet the desire to live overwhelms
The sound of breaking nails
The feel of your cold hands grabbing my feet
The future's dim
In your chemical mind, does a shout from nowhere
reverberate a sound?

It's so calm down here...
Loosen the grip and...
Plummet down with me.

With torn flesh!
I await the silver lining to all of these

With eyes tightly shut
Thinking of the things we did to survive
The right and the wrong
The wounds and sacrifices that resurface in debacles
For love, for faith, for others
To the point they'd walk away, I will always be here.

It's so calm down here...
Loosen the grip and...
Plummet down with me.

Stupefied and frozen!
I await the silver lining to all of these.

But what is the point
When everything else fades like smoke as fast as you exhale?
Alarming gentle snap
Silent yet the chills it sends to being
Looking down just to see a hypnotic abyss
Feet freely dangling, as you moved on without a scream.

It's so calm down here...
Loosen the grip and...
Plummet down.

A question hangs over the shoulders...
Where is the silver lining to all of these?

Mud

Cocooned...
hide away from the finger that points to this direction
Wait...
watch as it goes back fourfold
Like dirt...
sticking on the soles of your feet
Wait...
until it gets washed away.

Living another day
To rip open old wounds

Jump! Dive inside contradictions
Into inescapable web of irony
More riddles... bullets to kill
Noone but me.

Unless... these phrases form a notion
In itself to feed an obsession for oneself.

Come! Jump inside this construct,
In this inescapable web of irony
If you do see yourself,
Come on and rectify... Defile!

More riddles to feed...
The demons..
More riddles... bullets to kill
You and me.

In this puddle of mud,
The intention was to dance alone.

Absence

How long has it been? A month? Two months? Err.. I don't know. I can only count up to ten. I am supposed to show him my latest drawings. Oh! I can't wait to see his reaction when he sees this. He'll probably hand me one of those flattened caps of beer as if he's buying it from me using real money. Hmm... this time I'll sell this for ten caps. Yes! Ten caps! Oh he can't say no to this. I worked hard on this one especially the part of his eyes. I'll tease him he got crazy eyes that's why I'd sell this for ten crown caps. Hihi!

I can't forget the first time i saw those crazy eyes. He was pounding hard with a stone to flatten those crown caps when he noticed me sitting alone on the doorway and sketching stuff in my new notebook. Yes, I'm fond to draw things. I like to draw flowers, birds, and butterflies and sometimes people too but... not with those crazy eyes! Hihi! My teacher told me that I'd be a great painter someday. I guess i like the idea that's why I'm here outside every late afternoon to practice my new found talent. Anyway, I guess he was curious as to what i was doing. He approached me and attempted to take a look. Of course, i pulled it away from him. I do not know him yet. But then, without saying a word he offered me... 1...2...3 crown caps to let him see my sketch. I thought it was funny so i handed it to him. He was smiling while looking at it. I thought he was making fun of my drawing so i grabbed it away from him. But then he surprised me when he placed the three flattened crown caps beside me before leaving. He never spoke a word. Hmm... I guess he's too shy.

We have gotten close after that. And it has become our routine. Every afternoon, I'd sit here and draw. My new friend on the other hand, would play in front of our house with those caps while waiting for me to finish drawing. He hands me some of his caps before I allow him to see my work. Hmm... I was getting better with my drawings. My mom told me so. I guess he helped in some way. But he never said a word. He just smile and smile and smile. He is a weird kid. He's always smiling even though he sometimes have this scratches and purple spots on his arms. He is a weird and naughty kid but you know, he is my friend.

Hmm... he's still not here. I'm getting annoyed already. I have several drawings to show him and yet, he's not here. I'm so annoyed at him that's why i asked his mother the other day where'd he go. She told me he was sleeping. Hmp! I don't believe her. She got his slippers and shirts inside the plastic bag. I saw it. I'm sure he went somewhere he just didn't bother telling me. Hmp! I'm getting out of here. Those people playing some cards and making noises in front of their house is distracting me! Hmp! And that Crazy Eyes! He will never see this drawing until he gives up all his crown caps tomorrow! He didn't show up and I am already annoyed, that's why!

Centric

A nagging reaction, a statement carried across
A doubtful declaration of status.
Perceived to hurt, to put off, to subdue...
A fire? Hardly, not even a spark.

Whoever gave the idea that the world is you,
That the world only hear or see you
Must have her finger stuck on the delete button.
Abandoned. Yes, but perfectly still.

The world is not compressed in your palms
Nor it constitute the names or numbers in the list.
If you could make the world stop in dropping one of them,
I would have done so too a long time ago.

I heard news of apathy...
I know what it is...
But it never came to me...
That it will come from somebody i considered...
A friend.

Withering

Nothing.
Not even a snap.
When the tie breaks,
It let loose all the things it holds to the ground.

Nothing.
Not even a climactic soundtrack.
Like a thief,
It goes in and out without leaving a trace.

Deceitful bastard.
No matter how hard you hold it in your hand
Like sand,
It slips without a sound.

Nothing.
Not even a loud bang.
It breaks open doors,
Taking away schemes like a bad dream.

Nothing.
Not even a whisper.
Like raging waters,
It stormed off and with it, the premise you once believed in.

Deceitful bastard.
No matter how tight you hold it together
When it is bound to go,
It falls off
Like leaf blown by breeze..

or else... it withers.

With this prayer, I'm letting go
With genuine love, wish you well.
Scarred but not beaten.
Forget time, forget the sacrifices.

In the calming of storm,
When the waters gone dry,
That which moves us
The reason for being ceases.

Forget you, forget me.

In this withering...
We will be reborn.

Seven Cuts: Reunited

After over a decade in hibernation, 3 members of Seven Cuts gathered together for an afternoon jam session paving the way for the creation of the following music videos taken in a studio down in Espana. This is a rare opportunity so i am posting it here to commemorate the other members who have fallen busy and the songs that once united us and our batch. Bwahahaha! Rock on!

Jamming lang po eto ha... highschool pa last naming praktis kaya pagpasenshahan nyu na kung hindi angkop sa inyong panlasa. :)












Special thanks to Blanca for sharing these videos and for jamming with us too! You rock! =*

Candle

Entry for EPH Contest...

to follow...