Bulaang Propeta

Ang tahimik na paglalakbay sa kahabaan ng Quezon Avenue ay binasag ng isang anunsiyo mula sa isang mamang nakaupo sa pinakadulo ng pampasaherong jeepney. "Ako ay may nadiskubre!" ang sambulat ng mama na ikinagulat ng mga kasamahang pasahero. "Ang aking nadiskubre ay siguradong ikapapahiya ng mga maraming syintipiko."

Hindi alintana ang nagtatakang tinginan ng mga tao sa paligid niya, siya'y nagpatuloy, "ang mundo ay bilog at flat! Pagmasdan nyo ang larawang ito," sabay hugot sa plakang nakaipit sa bag at buong yabang na iwinagayway ang larawan ng isang baybayin malamang ay hango sa isang isla sa Pilipinas. "Hindi ba kayo nagtataka kung bakit hindi nyo nakikita ang dulo ng baybayin na ito? Datapwa't ganun ang sistema, patuloy pa rin ang pag ikot ng mundo. Ito ay dahil ang mundo ay bilog at flat!"

Pigil na ngiti ang namutawi sa mukha ng iilang nakarinig. Ang ilan nama'y nabahala sa pag-aalalang nahaluan sila ng pasaherong may dipirensya sa pag-iisip. Subalit ito'y hindi naging hadlang sa walang patumanggang paglalahad niya ng kanyang mga nadiskubrehan. Magmula sa pagiging bakla ng North Pole, ang pagiging kulay itim ng liwanag, ang nakapagtatakang malamig na klima sa 'Pinas, hanggang sa umabot sa pagiging sugapa ni Ernie Baron sa shabu at kung bakit ang mamang iyon ang dapat na ituring na walking encyclopedia.

"Isa kayong malaking tanga kung hindi nyo maintindihan ang mga simpleng eksplinasyon na ito!" Ang buong hambog na sambit ng mama, subalit ito'y hindi bilang pagtatapos kundi isa lamang pagbubukas sa kunwa'y malalim na kadahilanan ng kanyang mga nadiskubre. "Hangga't hindi nyo binubuksan ang inyong mga mata sa mga katotohanang ito, patuloy na lulubog ang ekonomiya sa kahirapan, hindi titigil ang korapsyon sa gobyerno, dadami pa ang magiging pokpok sa lipunan at mga kabataang babae na marerape ng mga adik!" Ang walang habas at matigas na sambit ng mama sabay wagayway ng kanyang plaka sa mga motoristang naghihintay sa muling pagdaloy ng trapik.

Ako'y nawala na nang muli niyang buksan ang topiko ng pagiging walking encyclopedia niya. Gayunpaman, naisip ko na paminsan minsan kailangan natin ng mga taong ganito. Mga taong ang layunin ay ibahagi ang katotohanan kahit medyo sablay sa sukatan ng agham at siyensya. Ang taong ito ay nag-isip sa nangyayari sa palibot nya na karamihan sa atin ay hindi na pinagtutuunan ng pansin marahil sa tanggap na natin na ito ay bahagi na ng ating buhay at wala na tayong magagawa pa para mabago ito. Oo, medyo may kamahalan ang presyo sa pag-abot sa katotohanan. Minsan ang kagustuhang maabot ito'y nakakawala sa sarili. Subalit sino nga ba ang mas hangal sa dalawa, ang pagiging bulaang propeta o ang patuloy na pagbulag-bulagan sa tunay na kaganapan sa ating kapaligiran?

For The Flowers That Didn't Bloom In May

I remember you asking me one starry night to write something about you. And that, i intended to do but i want this one to be perfect... as perfect like the flowers that bloom in May. I wanted to write about how gorgeous your eyes were when you lay beside me, the cute sound you make every time you suck in the remaining syllables of your laughter, the exhilarating sweet scent of your mouth that i can't seem to get enough of, the feel of your smooth skin and the way you grab hold of my hand not to stop me from sliding down further but rather, to tease. All these things i wanted to write about in a way not too obvious. I wanted this idea to be embodied in a text with a hymn of mystery and eloquence.

But before i could utter a reply, a falling star came like a teardrop in the sky. Perhaps a stroke of bad luck, i was not able to cast a wish... a wish sealed with the hope that will bind us together and obliterate the scars of the past. You were ecstatic. You made your wish in time.

The star that fell must have carried you with it as it disappears to oblivion because when i looked down to once again catch a glimpse of that light brown eyes, you were nowhere to be found. The promise to write something about you... to write a sweet story on how fate brought us together is now more like a testament on how i loved you so much and why it wasn't meant to be. It is now more like a story of the flowers that didn't bloom in May.

The Cuddle

"There is something different about you tonight," says the woman, still catching her breath, as she cuddles the man after their passionate encounter.

"Different? In what way?" the man asked.

"The way you kissed me and hold me tonight... it's slightly different from the way you used to do," the woman replied now with a puzzled look in her eyes.

Feeling a little bit uncomfortable with the question, the man retorted, " Am i that familiar to you? Well... sometimes, you pick up things along the way... from TV, magazines... that kind of stuff."

"Hmm... i guess you're right," the woman replied. She kissed the man goodnight and turned the other way.

The man let off a silent sigh of relief because little did the woman know that he did picked up some intimate lessons along the way. However, this was not from any TV show or magazines. He learned it from some other woman. He then thought of seeing her again. Perhaps, he'll make up an excuse tomorrow.

The woman let off a silent sigh too. Little did the man know that she has gotten used to the way the other man kissed and hold her. It was firm yet gentle... a lot different from what transpired a while ago. She longed for the day she'd be able to see him again. She wondered when will the man beside her go to his usual out of town trips to attend some important board meetings. She felt fortunate that business is good lately.

Eulogy

Can someone tell me if i miss her?
I seemed to have forgotten how to feel,
When torn between guilt and deceit,
It's all too confusing.
If only I can end it by merely closing my eyes.

Now that memories run with consequent pain,
Can you tell me how do you move on?
When everything reminds me of you,
How do i find my way
To the time when i used to wear a smile?

What do i say to the little hand that clasps mine?
"It's going to be okay because you still have me."
When all the while, I too,
Died along with you.

A Year-ender Reflection & Future Schematics

Although 2008 departed well for me, i am still a bit confused as i sit here in this so familiar room thinking about what to write. Maybe this is because there are still some hang-ups left by the past year or maybe i just had too much fun during my vacation in the province. As much as i would like to provide details of my 2008 journey for the purpose of keeping a permanent record of it, i now deemed it unecessary since this year is something that cannot be easily etched off from my mind.

What is left for me to do now is to share the lessons i learned from 2008. These are quite basic but when life gives you a problem, you often tend to forget these basic ideas since the problem itself is not always presented in black and white (Actually, i'm writing this down to remind me not to do this again.):
1. Love hurts.
2. You win some, you lose some.
3. Focus.
4. Forgive and forget.
5. Be proactive. Be positive.

As for the future plans for this site, i will try my best to work on some materials with lighter mood. I hope this year would make it easier for me to do just that. Some changes had been already put into place like the little description in the comment section for each articles to avoid any confusion. Some instances in the past compelled me to put up that little explanation thingy. I guess it worked. The whole purpose of this website is still unclear to me but one thing is sure though, this is not a story of my life.

I have to cut this short. My mind and heart is still in vacation. Anyway, let me end this with this vid:

Moonlight

Looking down searching for signs
Are you there beneath the city lights?
With a cigarette in one hand
As you revolve with haste and fall
In some stranger's arms?

The haziness of the night
Unravel the movement of silhouette
A series of lies from inception
Only ratiocinated
To have been blurred by terrible weather

Walking back to bed with the hope to fall asleep
In silence, in surrender, i'd let the rain fall
And if in sleep, I'd be able to run away from it all
I'll simply lie here forever in the dark.

Amidst the jovial play of lights
In tracing the loose ends which binds
The vows discarded, there are things that'll stay
Like the moon that shines on you at night
Even if it hides behind the clouds, it shines
Like the beating of the heart.

Plummet

Crawling towards the surface
Excruciating yet the desire to live overwhelms
The sound of breaking nails
The feel of your cold hands grabbing my feet
The future's dim
In your chemical mind, does a shout from nowhere
reverberate a sound?

It's so calm down here...
Loosen the grip and...
Plummet down with me.

With torn flesh!
I await the silver lining to all of these

With eyes tightly shut
Thinking of the things we did to survive
The right and the wrong
The wounds and sacrifices that resurface in debacles
For love, for faith, for others
To the point they'd walk away, I will always be here.

It's so calm down here...
Loosen the grip and...
Plummet down with me.

Stupefied and frozen!
I await the silver lining to all of these.

But what is the point
When everything else fades like smoke as fast as you exhale?
Alarming gentle snap
Silent yet the chills it sends to being
Looking down just to see a hypnotic abyss
Feet freely dangling, as you moved on without a scream.

It's so calm down here...
Loosen the grip and...
Plummet down.

A question hangs over the shoulders...
Where is the silver lining to all of these?

Mud

Cocooned...
hide away from the finger that points to this direction
Wait...
watch as it goes back fourfold
Like dirt...
sticking on the soles of your feet
Wait...
until it gets washed away.

Living another day
To rip open old wounds

Jump! Dive inside contradictions
Into inescapable web of irony
More riddles... bullets to kill
Noone but me.

Unless... these phrases form a notion
In itself to feed an obsession for oneself.

Come! Jump inside this construct,
In this inescapable web of irony
If you do see yourself,
Come on and rectify... Defile!

More riddles to feed...
The demons..
More riddles... bullets to kill
You and me.

In this puddle of mud,
The intention was to dance alone.

Absence

How long has it been? A month? Two months? Err.. I don't know. I can only count up to ten. I am supposed to show him my latest drawings. Oh! I can't wait to see his reaction when he sees this. He'll probably hand me one of those flattened caps of beer as if he's buying it from me using real money. Hmm... this time I'll sell this for ten caps. Yes! Ten caps! Oh he can't say no to this. I worked hard on this one especially the part of his eyes. I'll tease him he got crazy eyes that's why I'd sell this for ten crown caps. Hihi!

I can't forget the first time i saw those crazy eyes. He was pounding hard with a stone to flatten those crown caps when he noticed me sitting alone on the doorway and sketching stuff in my new notebook. Yes, I'm fond to draw things. I like to draw flowers, birds, and butterflies and sometimes people too but... not with those crazy eyes! Hihi! My teacher told me that I'd be a great painter someday. I guess i like the idea that's why I'm here outside every late afternoon to practice my new found talent. Anyway, I guess he was curious as to what i was doing. He approached me and attempted to take a look. Of course, i pulled it away from him. I do not know him yet. But then, without saying a word he offered me... 1...2...3 crown caps to let him see my sketch. I thought it was funny so i handed it to him. He was smiling while looking at it. I thought he was making fun of my drawing so i grabbed it away from him. But then he surprised me when he placed the three flattened crown caps beside me before leaving. He never spoke a word. Hmm... I guess he's too shy.

We have gotten close after that. And it has become our routine. Every afternoon, I'd sit here and draw. My new friend on the other hand, would play in front of our house with those caps while waiting for me to finish drawing. He hands me some of his caps before I allow him to see my work. Hmm... I was getting better with my drawings. My mom told me so. I guess he helped in some way. But he never said a word. He just smile and smile and smile. He is a weird kid. He's always smiling even though he sometimes have this scratches and purple spots on his arms. He is a weird and naughty kid but you know, he is my friend.

Hmm... he's still not here. I'm getting annoyed already. I have several drawings to show him and yet, he's not here. I'm so annoyed at him that's why i asked his mother the other day where'd he go. She told me he was sleeping. Hmp! I don't believe her. She got his slippers and shirts inside the plastic bag. I saw it. I'm sure he went somewhere he just didn't bother telling me. Hmp! I'm getting out of here. Those people playing some cards and making noises in front of their house is distracting me! Hmp! And that Crazy Eyes! He will never see this drawing until he gives up all his crown caps tomorrow! He didn't show up and I am already annoyed, that's why!

Centric

A nagging reaction, a statement carried across
A doubtful declaration of status.
Perceived to hurt, to put off, to subdue...
A fire? Hardly, not even a spark.

Whoever gave the idea that the world is you,
That the world only hear or see you
Must have her finger stuck on the delete button.
Abandoned. Yes, but perfectly still.

The world is not compressed in your palms
Nor it constitute the names or numbers in the list.
If you could make the world stop in dropping one of them,
I would have done so too a long time ago.

I heard news of apathy...
I know what it is...
But it never came to me...
That it will come from somebody i considered...
A friend.